Miscarriage: A woman's silent trauma

 

By Leila

Losing an unborn child is one of the most devastating experiences a woman, a family or a couple can encounter. The time and finances that went into planning and preparing for the baby are deemed futile. 

Emily is a 29 year old teacher based in Florida, She lost her child prematurely at 3 months. She shares her story. 

"I woke up to a sharp pelvic pain one morning and it got intense. My husband rushed me to the hospital and while on transit, I started bleeding profusely. I was crying and screaming due to the excruciating pain. We got to the hospital where I was rushed to the emergency room. After I was attended to by the doctors, my husband came in and the sad look on his face said it all. He shook his head side to side as he held my hand and I knew my...." she began sobbing. "my...." she sobs more and I give her time to cry then she continues, "my baby girl was gone." She breaks down in silence. "The doctors attributed it to cervical incompetence." 

Wiping tears from her eyes, she adds, "We had bought beautiful baby clothes, soft flannel sheets, a stroller, baby cot and some toys. We had even selected the colors and interior designs for her room." She shows me pictures of the items on her smartphone. 

Beatrice is a 45 year old mother of one residing in Detroit. 

She lost her second child 17 years ago due to domestic violence. She shares her story.

"I remember it all like it was yesterday. My ex husband and I were married for 5 years. The first 3 years were great and our first child was conceived. We were happy until he lost his high paying job in the fourth year. I was 5 months pregnant with our second child. He became verbally abusive but I never imagined it would escalate to physical abuse. One Wednesday night, he came home drunk and he began hurling unprintable epithets. I quickly got up to go and calm him and instead, I was received with a slap on my right cheek that sent me toppling over the coffee table onto the hard, cold, tiled floor." She pauses for a minute and tears begin to form in her eyes. She takes out a serviette from her navy blue handbag and wipes a teardrop. She continues, "Before I could gain the strength to get up he was already standing on top of me and kicking my belly. I kept screaming until our son came and began shouting at him to stop. He stopped and rushed to the bedroom and shut the door. My son went to our next door neighbor to seek help. The neighbor rushed me to the hospital as I was already bleeding profusely. By the time we got to the hospital, I lost the baby. After I was discharged, I divorced him and moved on with my life." (Flesh out these women more by giving more details about them so that they appear more real. Beatrice’s story is unfortunate and sad and could actually be a stand-alone feature) 

She adds, "Family, neighbors and my church group really helped me recover and resume a normal life. I was never alone at any moment. The best part is that nobody mentioned it to avoid triggering the pain. I was surrounded by love, prayers and support."

STATISTICS

Emily and Beatrice are 2 of many women who experience miscarriage in their prime years caused by different factors. 

Just like many women, they have to bear the trauma that comes with child loss and carry it throughout their lives.

Nurse Phoebe is a health care professional at a maternity health care center.

She says, "Approximately 10 out of 20 women experience preterm birth. They are mostly young women aged between 25 to 38. Child loss before parturition can be caused by biological and psychological factors. The biological factors are pre-eclampsia, cervical incompetence, negative rhesus factor, uterine infections and embryotoxicin. Psychological factors are mental stress and emotional instability. Other causes can be physical injuries and physical abuse through constant damage to the abdominal and pelvic areas."

SYMPTOMS

Symptoms of a miscarriage include sudden excruciating back and pelvic pain, high fever, nausea and bleeding profusely. 

When these symptoms appear, it is advisable to visit a gynaecologist, personal doctor or the nearest hospital. 

DIAGNOSIS

Before engaging in the child bearing journey, it is important for a woman to visit a gynaecologist for assessment of her reproductive system. 

Additionally, it is advisable to avoid heavy physical work, alcohol, drugs, cigarettes and potentially abusive behavior. 

HOW TO SUPPORT SOMEONE WHO HAS EXPERIENCED MISCARRIAGE

Nurse Phoebe advises this, "Patients need more emotional support above everything else. Family and friends are also vital to the healing process of patients. Constant social inclusion and positive attitude towards the patients can really go a long way in helping them bounce back to normal life." 

Just like in the case of Emily whose husband was her greatest support system while Beatrice had her family, church group and neighbors, social support is of utmost importance in a patient's healing journey.

MORE WAYS TO SHOW SUPPORT

Avoid discussing triggering topics on child loss. 

Speak positively and encourage happy and funny discussions. Include patients in group activities and assign them roles so that they feel valued and to preoccupy their mind and time to avoid thinking about the loss. Accompany them to therapy sessions, involve them in outdoor activities and engage them in watching comedy movies. A good laugh contributes to positive emotions.

#womenshealth #womenempowerment #mentalhealth #healingtalks

A Girl, Her Two Suitors And Her Father

 

By: Leila

Charlene grudgingly walked into the therapist's office. She didn't want to be there. She rolled her brown eyes at the therapist immediately they locked eyes.

Ms. Calhoun: "Hi Charlene. Welcome and please take a seat." 

Miss Calhoun is bespectacled. Her brunette curly hair rests comfortably on her shoulders. She has been a therapist for 15 years so she is well aware of Charlene's situation.

Charlene: "Hi Ms...?"

Ms. Calhoun: "Ms. Calhoun."

Charlene: "I really don't want to be here. My best friend insisted that I should because of my boyfriend dilemma and you're billing her."

Ms. Calhoun: "You're already doing well. Proceed..."

Charlene took off her black and pink sneakers and laid on the cushy velvet cream yellow recliner sofa while facing up. Miss Calhoun's office was undoubtedly beautifully comfortable. The dusty blue walls created a sense of calm and relaxation. 

There was a big white sign written 'RELAX AND TALK' next to the window where the recliner chair was facing. This was enough to get Charlene in the mood to open up.

On the other side of the office was a book cabinet. Miss Calhoun was clearly a reader. The cabinet had a space for her desktop computer which was off.

Once Charlene was relaxed, the session begun..

Charlene narrated how she met her two boyfriends. Amidst the flashbacks, her facial expressions were filled with genuine smiles and sometimes pain and regret.

An hour later, she was was done.

Charlene: "That's it Doc."

Ms. Calhoun: "So you met them on a bench but different locations?"

Charlene: "Yes Doc."

Ms. Calhoun: "Clearly you were very attached to both and they had different impacts on you. Ian made you light up while Darius made you feel regretful but you still went back."

Charlene: "Damn! Was it that evident?"

Ms. Calhoun: "Yes. Now, tell me about your father."

Charlene: "He is in the past and I have healed."

Ms. Calhoun: " 'Past' and 'Healed' in the same sentence? What about him have you buried and healed?"

Charlene: "I don't want to talk about him."

Ms. Calhoun: "Now you 'don't want to talk about him'. Hmm... Why?"

Charlene: "Why is that important?"

Ms. Calhoun: "In order to solve your dilemma, you need to understand the foundation of your first male relationship and that's with your father. How was it?"

Charlene: "Well... Oftentimes, he was absent. Whenever he got a new job, he would disappear for 6 months and show up once then disappear again."

Ms. Calhoun: "Basically, he wasn't a present figure when he had money?"

Charlene: "Yes. When things got bad like losing his job or an injury, that's when he was present. We barely ate 3 meals, walked to and from school which was across counties and between a forest."

Ms. Calhoun: "You mentioned that he had an injury. ..."

Charlene: "Yes, he went to a stadium to watch football by himself. A stampede started and he broke his leg. He was admitted and for 9 months, we were his caregivers. Step mom would bathe him, dress him and help him to the wash room. After school, I would massage his leg."

Ms. Calhoun: "How old were you?"

Charlene: "11."

Ms. Calhoun: "You were very compassionate but too young to be overwhelmed. I suppose you were tired from school and also had assignments?..."

Charlene: "Yes and help out with chores."

Ms. Calhoun: "After recovery, what happened to him?"

Charlene: "He got a job elsewhere and disappeared as usual."

Ms. Calhoun: "How did that make you feel?"

Charlene: "Betrayed, used, neglected, unappreciated. I lost all respect for him. The following year, step mom became a monster. She mistreated my siblings and I. She beat us, insulted us, starved us, blamed me for her marital woes and over worked us with chores. She woke us up by chaotically opening our bedroom door and pinching us. That's why I still have anxiety attacks when I hear doors banged. All this time my father was spending money on his young lass.

HE LEFT US DOC!!! HE FORGOT ABOUT US! WE TOOK CARE OF HIM WHEN HE COULDN'T WALK AND STILL VALUED HIM WHEN HE HAD NO MONEY!!!" (Charlene shouted as she got up and walked across the room, raving and panting, rage flaring up in her eyes and banged Ms. Calhoun's desk near the window. She then regressed into a fetal position.)

 "That's why I will never date a man who lacks financial stability. No money, no romance!!"

Ms. Calhoun: "Is that why you keep going back to Darius? The one you met on a bench at The Four Seasons and lives in a mansion. He's disrespectful, unapologetically neglects your needs, no call backs and ungrateful... Just like your father."

Charlene: "STOP!! PLEASE STOP DOC!!! Why are you being so truthful? It hurts!!!" (She curled up in the corner beside the desk and cried helplessly.)

Ms. Calhoun: "Seems like you are trying to fix your father's image in your subconscious. You still love him and hope that with money, his behavior can be repaired. You go back but you regret later."

Charlene: "The sex is great too."

Ms. Calhoun: "Okay, what else about him?"

Charlene: "Honestly, I never liked him. You are right, I am fixing my father in him."

Ms. Calhoun: "How about Ian? You met him on a bench at the park. He works in the army and would drive for an hour just to come see you. You say he is courteous, respectful and appreciates you."

Charlene: "Oh Ian.. The only boyfriend I ever thought about marrying." (Her face lights up, voice changes to happy tone, dries her tears, gets up and walks towards the recliner sofa. She smiles when she talks about him.) "He is a gentleman. If he walked in right now, I would propose to him in a jiffy. He's consistent and makes me feel safe. I don't have to try too hard to be with him. It's just easy and peaceful."

Ms. Calhoun: "Keep talking..."

Charlene: "His smile lights up my world and excites my heart."

Ms. Calhoun: "Seems like you have the answer to your dilemma. Darius represents your past and everything you are healing from. Meeting him meant facing your trauma and deciding if you want a recurrent or something new. Ian represents your healed self and what your inner child missed. The security he offers is everything your soul always wanted. That's why you light up when you speak about him."

Charlene: "Now I know who I want. Thanks alot Doc. My best friend was right... You are the best therapist."

Ms Calhoun: "Happy to help. Trust yourself."

Charlene smiled and reached out for a gratitude handshake. She looked lighter than she did when she walked in. Her dilemma was solved.

I'm Sorry I Lied...

 

I'm sorry I lied that I was happy when deep down I didn't know how that felt. I didn't understand what it was.

I'm sorry I lied that I liked you when all I wanted was sex.

I'm sorry I pretended to be okay with you not showing up when deep down I wanted to scream at you, call you out and express my disappointment. I didn't tell you because I cared about your feelings.

I'm sorry I lied that I was okay and fine but deep down I was spiraling into a dark hole.

I'm sorry I fooled you with my beautiful smile when deep inside I didn't know what I was smiling about.

I'm sorry I lied that I was okay with the clothes you gave me. I just didn't have the courage to say 'No'.

I'm sorry I lied that I enjoyed sex with you but deep down inside I knew I wanted more and better.

I'm sorry I lied that the reason I left you was because I didn't love you anymore. The truth is I was sexually attracted to your brother who had a better chiseled body. I couldn't imagine how it would break your fragile heart if I slept with him.

I'm sorry I lied that I was okay with the joke when deep down I was scared to express my disdain.

I'm sorry I lied that I didn't need help while smiling yet I was hoping from one man's bed to another so that I could get a place to sleep and food to eat.

I'm sorry I lied that I was fine with compromising my needs and prioritising your interest when all I wanted to say was 'NO'.

By Anonymous.

#personalhealing #healing 

3 Life Lessons To Help You Reach Your Fitness Goals

 By: Liz Hronek

Growing up, I was always athletic.

I swam competitively since I was 5 years old and played soccer since I was 7 years old. And I was also always overweight, not looking like all of my teammates, not feeling like I really fit in. This wasn’t just an internal feeling. This was something that a lot of my peers reminded me of on a consistent basis.

I remember walking into science class in 6th grade, and this boy walking in front of me yells out “Beep Beep Beep….WIDE LOAD COMING THROUGH!” I was devastated. I also had to continue throughout the day as if it didn’t bother me and as if I was tough and emotionless.  

This outer shell, this façade was built up more and more throughout my childhood. I had “thick skin”, my grandma used to tell me… “Sticks and Stones may break your bones, but words can never hurt you”. My grandma was my best friend, she was so strong, and dealt with so much BS…and would do anything for her children and grandchildren. 

Ya’ll, my grandma was an OG! So I grew up thinking that that was what I had to do, stand strong. But I was hurting, I was angry! I thought it was me being angry at those who were being mean to me, but I was more angry with myself than anyone else. Why couldn’t I fit in? Why couldn’t I lose weight? Why couldn’t I be popular?

I hated myself so much… I was eating all kinds of crap. I was drinking, and smoking trying to numb my pain and anger. My self-esteem was so low, that I got into MULTIPLE physically abusive relationships, and a marriage that I wasn’t ready for, which lead to more destruction of my self-esteem and more anger.  

By the time I was a junior in college I was close to 300 pounds, living in my car, working 2 jobs, in a physically abusive relationship… and I was pregnant… BUT didn’t know it until the day that I went into labor. 

Since my “boyfriend” had my car, the university had to call EMS to come take me in an ambulance to the hospital. I WAS SO FREAKING SCARED!

I told the lady that checked me in that she could NOT tell anyone that I was there, and I didn’t tell ANYONE… except for my job so that they could tell my boyfriend to come to the hospital. Even then, I didn’t tell them why I was there.

What in the world was I going to do?! Most people have at least 7-8 months to prepare for a child. Me? I was living in my car and getting beaten on a consistent basis.

Needless to say. God works in mysterious ways. The hospital contacted a local church who brought me SO MUCH stuff for my brand new baby girl. The hospital let me rent a car seat to leave the hospital… This baby WAS supposed to be here!  

Looking back, she saved my life! God knew what He was doing, and it is so AMAZING! I am telling you, I probably would not be alive today had I not had that baby girl. She was the reason for me to do better. I already knew that her dad was not going to be able to give her what she deserved. So, it was time for me to step up!  

I took her to class with me in her car seat, took my exams, and got my degree. Not only did I get a bachelors with a minor, but I was on the deans list!

AND THEN… after I was able to get out of the toxic relationship, I committed to losing weight for the last time! No more back and forth, it was time for me to take care of me, because I had another person to take care of. My little angel!  

Since then, I have lost over 150 pounds and kept it off for 10 years. I have also gotten certified in personal training and nutritional therapy because I want to help others. I want to use my journey and my struggle to help other people eliminate a lot of the mistakes I made, and move forward quickly! 

3 Life lessons I would tell my younger self:

No one is more important than your peace of mind. 

If you always feel drained after interacting with a certain individual… you have the power to leave that situation! Fill your circle with people who lift you up and fill you up.

Do not conform to make others comfortable, be yourself. 

Do not dim your light because it is shining in someone else’s eyes. The ones that love you and are your people will grab some sunglasses and cheer you on!

Loving yourself is not selfish, it is a necessity to love others. 

 We cannot TRULY love anyone else if we do not truly love ourselves. It is ok to be alone, build a bond and confidence in yourself that is unbreakable. THEN… you can go out and love others the way you really want to, the way that they deserved to be loved.

Queen Guest Writer Bio:

Liz is mom of 2 awesome girls and creator of the “unDIET Challenge”. Her goal is to empower women to build the life they truly love. To learn more about Liz, visit Liz Hronek

#selfcare #healingvibes #healingenergy #selflove #fitness #health

Strong Women Deserve Protection and Gentle Care Too

        Photo courtesy.

 Early last week I came across an interesting tweet. Let me paraphrase it "Men actually think that calling a woman 'strong' is a compliment. I'm appalled at how quick y'all are to strip women off protection and care. Strong is no longer a compliment but a mental health hazard."
I definitely pressed the like button and left a supportive comment.

It got me thinking.... How many times have I seen strong women in real life and on TV neglected and overburdened with responsibilities that don't concern them just for the sake of that compliment? How many women had to fight for themselves while the men stepped aside or turned their backs on them simply because they are 'strong women'?
It's probably the way we are raised as girls... We are belittled by comments such as "Who is going to love you or marry you if you don't clean dishes, cook, do the laundry or clean your room?" Such comments demean the human in her while raising her in fear of being unloved or valued if she doesn't meet certain conditions yet placing high expectations on her to take care of other people while neglecting herself.
This is one of the reasons most women fear marriage because it's portrayed as burdensome instead of a union of team work, companionship and a relationship that fosters personal growth.

Most of the time, when she decides to open up and be vulnerable she is avoided and told to be the 'bigger person'. 

Want to know why many women stay in abusive marriages or relationships, toxic workplaces and toxic friendships? Because of how society has defined the word 'strong woman' as the woman who can take in the most pain regardless of her mental or emotional health. It has even become some sort of competition of whoever endures the most pain from a spouse is qualified to be recognized as a wife. 😤 

Since when did becoming a loving partner be determined by pain?? How is that enjoyable??

To make it worse, there are men who will proudly praise a 'strong woman' in public but abuse, neglect, take advantage of her compassion and belittle her in private. 😤 And women get used to this such that when they find a man who wants to love and protect her feminine softness, she will do everything possible to sabotage it because that's how her subconscious has been conditioned: That love is pain.

This is my definition of a strong woman: a woman who is self aware, has embraced her feminine softness, has healthy boundaries on her compassion, has accepted her strengths, insecurities and weaknesses and only goes to places where she feels her human side is valued, protected and appreciated.

Final take: To all the women... Get used to being in peaceful healthy relationships where you are treated nicely with the tenderness you deserve.

Feel free to comment and share with your followers using the social media buttons 😊.

#womenempowerment #strongwomen #mentalhealth #personaldevelopment #peraonalhealing

Soul Reflection

 

#personalhealing #personalgrowth #healing #mentalhealth #personaldevelopment

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A Little Kindness Goes A Long Way...💝

 

#kindness #personalhealing #mentalhealth #innerpeace

Feel free to comment and share with your followers using the social media buttons 😊.

Rest Is Good For Your Mental Health 💛💙

Rest is good by Let's Talk

#mentalhealth #personaldevelopment #personalhealing

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Why Men Need To Heal..

                         Photo courtesy.

"He is at it again." Suzy muttered in a trembling voice as tears started forming. "He is drinking and doing cocaine again. I'm tired. I thought we were past this. I wish he would open up and tell me why he does so." she confided in Asha. Asha is Suzy's sister-in-law. Damon, Suzy's husband of 10 years, has been on and off alcohol and cocaine. She has supported him through his rehabilitation but it seems futile.
Asha empathized with Suzy and she knew the source of her brother's behavior. It was time; time to tell the truth about what happened to Damon when he was 13 years old...

One evening when Damon, was leaving class, his Math teacher who was also the Head of Discipline, Miss Sally, a lady in her mid 30s, asked him to follow her to her office. Damon was hesitant but out of obedience he obliged.
She asked him to take a seat and locked the door. After a brief conversation about the school rules, she moved towards him and started fondling his genitals.
He resisted but she threatened him with expulsion if he didn't comply knowing that it was the final term of the year.
He grudgingly and bitterly obliged with tears rolling down his face. After the deed was done, she asked him to leave the office and nobody should hear of what happened.
From that day he was different. He told his dad, but he did nothing and just laughed about it and instead gave him a sex talk.
Damon's performance declined, and he started drinking and later on after highschool, he got into cocaine while in campus.
For a long time, men have always been expected to endure too much including sexual, mental and emotional abuse in the name of 'manning up'.

It's no longer a secret that men go through things they may never speak about.
In the spirit of sucking up their pain and traumatic experiences, they seek solace in sex, drugs, alcohol, work, money, aggression and abuse.
How does this affect women? Well... Men were created to be leaders of the family and home. And if the head is broken, the body cannot function properly. This leaves women in a complete disarray which in turn breaks them and they pass it on to the children who pass it on to whoever they meet as they interact with the society. It's a cycle. Everything begins at the top.
Therefore, men's mental health is crucial to the society's well being. It's important to pay attention to their patterns, create a safe space for them, stand up for them, get them help in terms of therapy and walk with them through it.
The only solution to reduce the number of absentee dads is to heal men. (Click the link below to tweet this).
https://ctt.ac/L100G

#mentalhealth #personaldevelopment #healing #selfhelp


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Sis, Take Off That Mask

                      Photo courtesy.
"I'm tired. I can't do this anymore." Arya muttered.
"What's up? " Sheryl asked her. She and Arya have been friends since they were 15. So they know each other deeply.
"I'm tired of giving too much and getting nothing in return. I'm tired of holding up everyone and no one is there to catch me when I fall. I'm tired of always taking in and sucking up everything in order to be strong for everyone. I'm tired of showing up for everyone but myself. I'M TIRED SHERYL!!! I'M TIRED!!" Arya said as she broke down and cried relentlessly.
Sheryl reached out to give her a hug and allow her to cry on her shoulders then said, "Then it's time to unmask yourself sis. It's time to face your truth."

                      Photo courtesy.
Arya's situation is something many strong women experience. It can be tiresome to hold on to an invincible persona while suppressing your human side.
As a strong person, people tend to assume that you're self sufficient, don't need anyone, are not vulnerable and have no weaknesses.
The truth is... we all need someone. Someone to reciprocate what we give, to understand the vulnerability behind our strong persona, to embrace our feminine softness and not expecting us to "Always get it together and hold it up."
We all need a safe space to be free and real but we must first create it within us by embracing our own vulnerabilities. (Click the link below to tweet this)
So sis, it's time to embrace that lingering instinct that urges you to speak your vulnerable truth and take off that mask.
Sometimes, the mask protects you but other times it does more harm than good. Take it off!
https://ctt.ac/zx2Ty

#womenempowerment #empowerment #personalhealing #peraonaldevelopment #mentalhealth

Time Alone = Peace

                                    Photo courtesy.

"Girl, I just wonder how you're so happy yet you're single. You travel alone, take yourself on a date, despite all the guys you've dated you never rant nor complain about how men are trash. You're still positive that there are good men. Lord knows I'm tired of the 3 guys I'm dating. You just look happy in your singlehood. You glow, you're always enthusiastic about your work and you laugh a lot. You look like a free spirit. Sometimes I wonder if you ever experience normal adult problems. What is your secret?" Rita asked her long time friend, Sheena.
"Time alone." Sheena replied.
 "It gives you confidence, courage, focus and clarity." Sheena elaborated.

Many people cringe at doing things alone. They believe the dogma that being alone is boring, a sign of anti social, loneliness and queer character.
"Travel alone? How? I must have someone to accompany me. The only way I can enjoy myself is with someone else." Is what a large percentage of the population believes.

There's more to travelling alone than just the fun social aspect. It opens your mind, revitalises your soul and energizes your spirit.

Time alone allows you to discover yourself beyond what your environment has taught you to become. It makes you understand why you're naturally attracted to certain colours, characters and outfits.
It allows you to heal from past wounds and envision the future you desire. It comes in handy when making important life decisions because it narrows all the options to what suits you.

Time alone allows you to take care of yourself and treat yourself well because we only treat others as we treat ourselves.

Get comfortable with being with yourself. It teaches you to draw boundaries and protect yourself from manipulation and society norms that harm your peace.

You are the only one living your one life. You are the only one that will show up for you. You are the only one that understands you better. You are the only constant in your life. So spend time with You. Date You. Love You. Be You. (Click the link below to tweet this)
The more you take care of yourself, the better for everyone around you.
If you cannot appreciate and create time for you then how will you appreciate and create time for another person in your life?

https://ctt.ac/6iT30
#mentalhealth #personalhealing #innerpeace #personaldevelopment #timealone #selfcare

Article written by:

Leila, lead writer at Let's Talk Blog.

"I believe that self love is the beginning of healing."

Let Go, You Deserve Peace

                                    Photo courtesy.

For more than 20 years Malaika wondered why she never felt good enough in her father's eyes. He was always running away from his children when things got rough then resurfaced when the storm was over with smiles on his face like nothing happened.

Ever since she was a child he always used her as a scapegoat to avoid responsibility for his broken marriages. She cried all the time and always asked him, "Why do you hate me this much? Why would you use me to cover up for your mistakes? " He never responded.

This went on for years until she was 28 and decided to detach herself from him.

At 25, she had an emotional breakdown related to identity crisis. All the emotional and mental abuse had now become explosive and she was like a reactive atom trapped in a jar.

"Lord, Who am I? Why do I feel unstable?" was her prayer request. As we all know, God always responds to requests. 

So for 3 years she went on a journey of self-discovery which she spent it out and about, travelling, socializing, giving back to community through charity and volunteering and spending quiet time with nature.

One at a time, her questions were answered. Her healing process begun. Her friends were so proud of her because she exuded inner peace, her career performance improved and got into a healthy relationship with a wonderful gentleman. She realized that she was more than her trauma and it doesn't define who she is.

When Larry was 10, he got a scholarship until Diploma level. He was a brilliant student. The scholarship gave him accommodation with constant visits from his father.

One day, his father travelled upcountry with the promise to be back in a day. Larry was a hopeful child and patiently waited for his father until he got his Diploma at 20. 

He finally decided to go upcountry to look for his father only to find him inebriated and asked in his drunken voice, "Who are you?". 

That broke Larry. The fact that his father lied and forgot about him was the worst form of brokenness. 

Larry is now 40 years old.

Unconsciously, Larry repeats the same in his personal life. He has no relationship with his 7 children and ex wives, has abandoned them in the city and gone to the countryside to stay in the house he built as a young man. He feels no sense of responsibility for the brokenness he has passed onto his offspring and ex wives. He stays alone, none of his children visit nor contact him and has no friends.

At one phase in every human being's life, we experience brokenness. Life isn't fair. That's a fact. The truth is.... the pain never goes away but it can be managed. It's an individual's response to the pain or trauma that matters.

Malaika and Larry are victims of abuse and were broken as children. The difference is how they handled the trauma. Malaika chose to heal and let go while Larry held on and transferred the abuse to his ex wives and children which eventually increased his misery.

Holding on to the trauma is easier and makes you feel in control but in the end.... it only leads to self-destruction in terms of anger, bitterness, health deterioration, lack of inner peace, guilt, blaming everyone for your choices and broken relationships.

Letting go is very difficult because it requires you to relinquish control but in the end... leads to inner peace, happiness, healthy relationships, sense of personal responsibility for your future, good mental and emotional health.

Whether you choose to stay broken or not, be ready to bear the consequences. If you want to be happy, let go and open doors for better.
Hurt people hurt others. Happy people spread happiness to others.


#personalhealing #personaldevelopment #mentalhealth #innerpeace