Miscarriage: A woman's silent trauma

 

By Leila

Losing an unborn child is one of the most devastating experiences a woman, a family or a couple can encounter. The time and finances that went into planning and preparing for the baby are deemed futile. 

Emily is a 29 year old teacher based in Florida, She lost her child prematurely at 3 months. She shares her story. 

"I woke up to a sharp pelvic pain one morning and it got intense. My husband rushed me to the hospital and while on transit, I started bleeding profusely. I was crying and screaming due to the excruciating pain. We got to the hospital where I was rushed to the emergency room. After I was attended to by the doctors, my husband came in and the sad look on his face said it all. He shook his head side to side as he held my hand and I knew my...." she began sobbing. "my...." she sobs more and I give her time to cry then she continues, "my baby girl was gone." She breaks down in silence. "The doctors attributed it to cervical incompetence." 

Wiping tears from her eyes, she adds, "We had bought beautiful baby clothes, soft flannel sheets, a stroller, baby cot and some toys. We had even selected the colors and interior designs for her room." She shows me pictures of the items on her smartphone. 

Beatrice is a 45 year old mother of one residing in Detroit. 

She lost her second child 17 years ago due to domestic violence. She shares her story.

"I remember it all like it was yesterday. My ex husband and I were married for 5 years. The first 3 years were great and our first child was conceived. We were happy until he lost his high paying job in the fourth year. I was 5 months pregnant with our second child. He became verbally abusive but I never imagined it would escalate to physical abuse. One Wednesday night, he came home drunk and he began hurling unprintable epithets. I quickly got up to go and calm him and instead, I was received with a slap on my right cheek that sent me toppling over the coffee table onto the hard, cold, tiled floor." She pauses for a minute and tears begin to form in her eyes. She takes out a serviette from her navy blue handbag and wipes a teardrop. She continues, "Before I could gain the strength to get up he was already standing on top of me and kicking my belly. I kept screaming until our son came and began shouting at him to stop. He stopped and rushed to the bedroom and shut the door. My son went to our next door neighbor to seek help. The neighbor rushed me to the hospital as I was already bleeding profusely. By the time we got to the hospital, I lost the baby. After I was discharged, I divorced him and moved on with my life." (Flesh out these women more by giving more details about them so that they appear more real. Beatrice’s story is unfortunate and sad and could actually be a stand-alone feature) 

She adds, "Family, neighbors and my church group really helped me recover and resume a normal life. I was never alone at any moment. The best part is that nobody mentioned it to avoid triggering the pain. I was surrounded by love, prayers and support."

STATISTICS

Emily and Beatrice are 2 of many women who experience miscarriage in their prime years caused by different factors. 

Just like many women, they have to bear the trauma that comes with child loss and carry it throughout their lives.

Nurse Phoebe is a health care professional at a maternity health care center.

She says, "Approximately 10 out of 20 women experience preterm birth. They are mostly young women aged between 25 to 38. Child loss before parturition can be caused by biological and psychological factors. The biological factors are pre-eclampsia, cervical incompetence, negative rhesus factor, uterine infections and embryotoxicin. Psychological factors are mental stress and emotional instability. Other causes can be physical injuries and physical abuse through constant damage to the abdominal and pelvic areas."

SYMPTOMS

Symptoms of a miscarriage include sudden excruciating back and pelvic pain, high fever, nausea and bleeding profusely. 

When these symptoms appear, it is advisable to visit a gynaecologist, personal doctor or the nearest hospital. 

DIAGNOSIS

Before engaging in the child bearing journey, it is important for a woman to visit a gynaecologist for assessment of her reproductive system. 

Additionally, it is advisable to avoid heavy physical work, alcohol, drugs, cigarettes and potentially abusive behavior. 

HOW TO SUPPORT SOMEONE WHO HAS EXPERIENCED MISCARRIAGE

Nurse Phoebe advises this, "Patients need more emotional support above everything else. Family and friends are also vital to the healing process of patients. Constant social inclusion and positive attitude towards the patients can really go a long way in helping them bounce back to normal life." 

Just like in the case of Emily whose husband was her greatest support system while Beatrice had her family, church group and neighbors, social support is of utmost importance in a patient's healing journey.

MORE WAYS TO SHOW SUPPORT

Avoid discussing triggering topics on child loss. 

Speak positively and encourage happy and funny discussions. Include patients in group activities and assign them roles so that they feel valued and to preoccupy their mind and time to avoid thinking about the loss. Accompany them to therapy sessions, involve them in outdoor activities and engage them in watching comedy movies. A good laugh contributes to positive emotions.

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