How Birth Position Influences Career and Dating Choices

 

Every parent or guardian knows that children have different personalities. 

Regardless of who raises them, in the long run they will choose who they are.

Ever wondered why you are drawn to certain career options or have a specific pattern of dating partners?

Well… your birth position has a great influence over it and this is how:

First Born

They are self-driven and have learnt to lead themselves.

They are very responsible and can take good care of others and majority take on leadership positions.

Due to the semi-parental role they play at home, they tend to live a life of obligation.

They suppress their emotions for the purpose of fulfilling responsibility.

When it comes to relationships, they are compatible with partners who understand their leadership qualities and allow them to take the lead.

Owing to the fact that they have to be strong for other siblings and grow up fast, it isn't easy for them to open up emotionally and most of the time, vulnerability translates into 'weakness' according to them. 

This may affect their relationships especially if they are involved with those who are heavily emotional.

Middle child

They are highly emotional and intrinsic. Their life perception is personal.

They tend to be firm and confident in their decisions because they are caught between the first and last children and that translates into fighting to be heard.

When it comes to career choice, they choose what makes their hearts happy. They follow fulfillment beyond obligation.

When courting, they are drawn to partners who are as emotional as they are because they openly express their deepest feelings.

They forgive fast and love deeply.

Last born

The last child is normally the spoilt one. They are covered and protected by the older ones.

This makes them feel exonerated from responsibility.

However, they are genuine with their life choices regardless of what others think.

If they don't like something, that's it. No convincing them otherwise.

They're also honest with how they feel and are assertive.

In courtship, they blend well with people who are responsibility-oriented to offer them a sense of leadership.

Friendship Quote

 #lifelessons #lifequotes

I'm Sorry I Lied...

 

I'm sorry I lied that I was happy when deep down I didn't know how that felt. I didn't understand what it was.

I'm sorry I lied that I liked you when all I wanted was sex.

I'm sorry I pretended to be okay with you not showing up when deep down I wanted to scream at you, call you out and express my disappointment. I didn't tell you because I cared about your feelings.

I'm sorry I lied that I was okay and fine but deep down I was spiraling into a dark hole.

I'm sorry I fooled you with my beautiful smile when deep inside I didn't know what I was smiling about.

I'm sorry I lied that I was okay with the clothes you gave me. I just didn't have the courage to say 'No'.

I'm sorry I lied that I enjoyed sex with you but deep down inside I knew I wanted more and better.

I'm sorry I lied that the reason I left you was because I didn't love you anymore. The truth is I was sexually attracted to your brother who had a better chiseled body. I couldn't imagine how it would break your fragile heart if I slept with him.

I'm sorry I lied that I was okay with the joke when deep down I was scared to express my disdain.

I'm sorry I lied that I didn't need help while smiling yet I was hoping from one man's bed to another so that I could get a place to sleep and food to eat.

I'm sorry I lied that I was fine with compromising my needs and prioritising your interest when all I wanted to say was 'NO'.

By Anonymous.

#personalhealing #healing 

Invest In Your Mind

 #motivation #personalgrowth #personaldevelopment

Sexual Harassment In The Professional Arena

Saying 'No' to a sex predator in the office can cost you a job or business opportunity. Nonetheless, be courageous and say 'No'. There are better opportunities for you.

Molly knows this too well and this is her story:

She had just got a new job 3 years after graduation and sending numerous resumes. She was very excited!

She was very diligent, punctual, took more responsibilities and all this made her feel very productive. Within the first 3 months, she had already received a salary increment. Life was good and things were looking up. By the end of the year, she received a letter of promotion. Yaaayy! She was on a roll!

The letter had to be signed by the department manager who she never liked.

"Hello Sir...", Molly called him via the office telephone.

"Good morning Molly, how are you?" he responded.

"I'm fine Sir. Thank you for asking. I have a document that requires your signature."

"Bring it to my office at 3pm."

Gender Based Violence: The Reason Millennials Fear Marriage

 "LEAVE ME ALONE! LET ME GO!" Reina shouted as Zashan followed her. It was dark and they were on their way home. They broke up 5 days ago after Reina caught Zashan cheating on her. They bumped into each other at their regular club. He ran towards her and stopped infront of her. They got into a shouting match and he grabbed her by her blouse and raised his hand to hit her. His long nails dug into her right breast and left a scar.

It's 5 years since the incident when Reina receives an unexpected call...

"Hello..."

"Yes, who am I speaking to?" Reina responded.

"Come on, you know it's me... Have you forgotten already?"

"Well... Maybe if you tell me, I'll remember."

"It's Zashan...." Long silence... "Oh yeah, what's up Zashan?" 

"Been good and you?" 

"Been great too. I thank God."

"That's great to hear. Look... I've been doing some thinking lately and I've been postponing this conversation for a while but I decided that this is the right time for it."

"Mhmm..."

"Well... I want us to get married Reina. You're the only honest lady I've ever met and my family keeps asking about you. What do you say? I know I messed up in the past but it's my ego. I'm learning how to control it. Besides, I already apologized."

"Let me ask you.... did you ever tell your family what you did to drive me away?" She asked.

Long silence... Reina hang up and blocked him as she flashed back to that fateful day. It all came back like it had just happened 10 minutes ago. The whiff of fear and pain as he grabbed her blouse and was about to hit her for betraying her love rushed through her mind. 

Although Reina, now 25 years old, has moved on but the experience of coming face-to-face with a physically abusive man is one of the reasons she still hasn't decided if she wants to get into a long term relationship. That fear still creeps up occasionally.

Hailey is a 26 year old who knows too well about gender violence. Her boyfriend dragged her from a public joint into the parking lot and beat her into a pulp. He kicked and slapped her then shoved her into the car and drove her home.

He carried her on his shoulder, kicking and screaming, threw her on the bed, took out a bunch of 70 thousand notes and threw them next to her and said, "Fix yourself!" as he proceeded to walk out, leaving her bleeding and crying then locked her in until morning.

She cried the whole night until she blacked out. She woke up with her whole body aching.

He brought her friend the following morning to pick her up and as she helped her to the cab, she said, "Don't normalize abuse. It's not okay for anyone to hit you."

Hailey, thought about it and responded, "But he is a high profile man and the law will never be on my side. That's the reason I will never get into a long-term relationship with a man. No to marriage."

Marsha, 23, was excited to move in with her new beau.

She just got a new job so everything was going well. Until she lost her job...

"You are very needy!!! I am tired of funding you!!!" he constantly yelled at her.

He started by raising his voice then a slap and twice a week, he would beat her. She hated it. Never in a million years did she expect her knight in shining armor would turn into a monster. 

She finally opened up to a friend who contacted her mother. Her mother stormed the guy's house and took her daughter. 

Marsha, hugged her mom and friend as she cried helplessly. She said, "I hate that I believed him. I will NEVER GIVE MYSELF TO A MAN. MARRIAGE IS A NO NO."

It's no hidden truth that gender based violence in relationships cuts the soul deeper than the body. It leaves a huge scar that can be easily triggered.

The trauma is enough to create a sense of confusion, blurred lines and a stoic personality. 

When Gordy met Sasha, he really liked her but within a year, he moved from being a Social Media Director in the corporate sector to a prisoner.

A few months into the relationship, Sasha got pregnant. This was a surprise to Gordy because he was celibate and had never slept with her. He requested a DNA and this was her reaction:

"Are you serious???!!!! Are you calling me a whore??!!!"

"Sasha, you and I know that I have never touched you sexually. If you are truly honest, you would confidently take the test." he replied.

"Okay, I'll give you your test!!!" She went to the kitchen and came back bleeding from her head down to her neck then took pictures of herself and him. 

The next few minutes that followed changed his life forever... Gordy was handcuffed and incarcerated for battery and assault with intent to kill.

He was locked up for 3 years. 

Sasha hit herself on the concrete wall, bruised herself with a knife and used the rolling pin to give herself a black eye. She used all this to manipulate the officers into incriminating Gordy.

When he came out, no corporate was ready to hire a prisoner who was once a Social Media Director in a leading real estate company. He finally got a job as a cleaner in a park. 

According to Gordy, "I'm not interested in any relationship with a woman. I would rather be alone and peaceful than allow one human being to ruin my life."

Men too experience GBV but because society is not very receptive to male victims, they choose to suffer in silence. Owe this to the high expectation that 'men shouldn't cry or have a female abuser'. If they do, they are branded as weak, sissies or a woose. 

Reina, Hailey, Gordy and Marsha's stories are just a tip of the iceberg of what many millennial men and women go through in relationships. These experiences create blurred lines when it comes to marriage because of the fear of repetition of abuse.

We recently carried out a poll on this topic on Instastory with our followers, Let's Talk Squad, and these were the results:

Feel free to check us out on Instagram @lets_talk_blog

Gender violence is very traumatic. It is not just limited to physical violence but extends to emotional and psychological. If your partner constantly belittles you, reminds you of your flaws and tells you that you're not good enough... then you are experiencing GBV.

GBV is still happening in 2020 despite the laws against assault and harassment. We need to open up channels for men to speak up because at the end of the day... they are humans too lest we lose them to drugs, depression, suicide, sex addiction and alcohol.

People are indeed aware of it but could there be an underlying cause like unresolved trauma or abuse?

More therapists are needed and counseling should be normalized and made acceptable for both genders. The truth is.... IT IS NOT NORMAL TO BE VIOLENT OR ABUSIVE IN ANY WAY! 

HEAL YOURSELF!

#personalhealing #relationships #gbvawareness #millennials #millennialblogger #stopgbv

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Strong Women Deserve Protection and Gentle Care Too

        Photo courtesy.

 Early last week I came across an interesting tweet. Let me paraphrase it "Men actually think that calling a woman 'strong' is a compliment. I'm appalled at how quick y'all are to strip women off protection and care. Strong is no longer a compliment but a mental health hazard."
I definitely pressed the like button and left a supportive comment.

It got me thinking.... How many times have I seen strong women in real life and on TV neglected and overburdened with responsibilities that don't concern them just for the sake of that compliment? How many women had to fight for themselves while the men stepped aside or turned their backs on them simply because they are 'strong women'?
It's probably the way we are raised as girls... We are belittled by comments such as "Who is going to love you or marry you if you don't clean dishes, cook, do the laundry or clean your room?" Such comments demean the human in her while raising her in fear of being unloved or valued if she doesn't meet certain conditions yet placing high expectations on her to take care of other people while neglecting herself.
This is one of the reasons most women fear marriage because it's portrayed as burdensome instead of a union of team work, companionship and a relationship that fosters personal growth.

Most of the time, when she decides to open up and be vulnerable she is avoided and told to be the 'bigger person'. 

Want to know why many women stay in abusive marriages or relationships, toxic workplaces and toxic friendships? Because of how society has defined the word 'strong woman' as the woman who can take in the most pain regardless of her mental or emotional health. It has even become some sort of competition of whoever endures the most pain from a spouse is qualified to be recognized as a wife. 😤 

Since when did becoming a loving partner be determined by pain?? How is that enjoyable??

To make it worse, there are men who will proudly praise a 'strong woman' in public but abuse, neglect, take advantage of her compassion and belittle her in private. 😤 And women get used to this such that when they find a man who wants to love and protect her feminine softness, she will do everything possible to sabotage it because that's how her subconscious has been conditioned: That love is pain.

This is my definition of a strong woman: a woman who is self aware, has embraced her feminine softness, has healthy boundaries on her compassion, has accepted her strengths, insecurities and weaknesses and only goes to places where she feels her human side is valued, protected and appreciated.

Final take: To all the women... Get used to being in peaceful healthy relationships where you are treated nicely with the tenderness you deserve.

Feel free to comment and share with your followers using the social media buttons 😊.

#womenempowerment #strongwomen #mentalhealth #personaldevelopment #peraonalhealing

Soul Reflection

 

#personalhealing #personalgrowth #healing #mentalhealth #personaldevelopment

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What A Man Wants In A Woman

By: Chepkemoi

I met Sam four years ago. He lives on the far end street from my street and I have known him since I was a shy newbie in this Indian invested neighborhood and now, I am a bustling local.

Sam is funny, very witty and he loves wearing this blue and red sweat jacket every time we go together for an early morning run. He normally says that I should get one for myself too because these jackets help to lose fat by causing the core temperature to rise.

A few days ago, I had this very passive fight with Sam because he unapologetically stood me up the day we had agreed to have dinner in the nearby restaurant. Sam is the only man I can argue with, fight with, laugh with, and truly let my heart spill unto.

I can vividly remember the last conversation I had with Sam face to face. We had been running from 6 am and it was just a few minutes past 8 am. "You know no one is waiting for you with a trophy at the end of these tracks, right?" I asked gasping for a huge gulp of air. My heart was almost jumping out of my mouth and I was sweating like a porous pitcher.

"Okay, we shall walk briskly for a few minutes then we break into another insane run." He said jogging in one spot so that I could catch up with him. This son of a gun had not even broken a sweat and his sweat jacket was still zipped up to his neck.

So, we strolled the long way back arguing and talking about love and relationships my arm gently resting on his broad shoulders. Sam is a few inches taller than me and our eyes are level whenever I wear high heeled shoes.

I remember I argued and argued until he paused, looked at me deep in the eyes and said, “When you are a woman, you have to keep yourself beautiful all the time, be soft-spoken and confident around men and they will run tumbling on your feet."

I remember I looked at Sam incredulously, color draining away from cheeks. He had no idea of what he had just said, I could tell from his eyes and his tone- the same passive tone with which a Kenyan would say, “toa kitu kidogo” When they need to take a bribe.

I did not know exactly what to tell Sam at that particular moment. So, I pretended to brush it aside as if I did not hear a thing.

The first thing I planned to do when I got home was to write him a long message on WhatsApp about something, he seemed not to have grasped yet about some women. That some of us wear red dripping lipstick, Burgundy Full Lace Ombre human hair wigs, and high heels for ourselves and not for men at all.

Fast forward to a Friday evening at the gym.

I had just finished doing my legs and glutes and I was stretching as I waited for my friend Liz to finish changing so that we could leave together. I happened to share the space at the backside of the gym with Mose, a tall well-meaning man whom I had met at my previous gym.

Mose struck up a very interesting conversation with me. It was not a normal conversation. Mose assumed that when women go to the gym, it is obvious that they are trying to grow their asses and to seek attention from men.

What was even more interesting is that I had no interest in patrolling the gym while swaying my very small behind. But I am a woman and according to people like Mose, women only do things for the benefit of the men around them.

I often take the cliché statements that are made to us every day as women and turn them into questions that no one has ever answered. Take for example what most of us were taught since childhood, what a man wants in a woman. Thing is, what about what I want as a woman? Do I make a mistake by thinking that we have been taught one side of the story all our lives?

I don’t understand why most women fail to see what is so evident. I love being back home in the village even though I haven’t been there in a while now. I grew up where we were taught to literally serve men like kings and princes. O hail the kings!

I am often impressed by these particular theatrics that even if I am so sick and my brother walked in through the door, I have to drag and fix him something to eat. I often wondered why I had to endure the excruciating pain in my body to serve an energetic high-spirited man. So that I would know how to treat my husband when he finally redeems me by paying several heads of cows and goats was the same answer, I got all the time.

It is true that physical strength was the most important attribute for survival. But that was a thousand years ago. Today, there are other million ways to survive without ever having to rock a giant physique with rippling muscles. We are in a world where intelligence, innovativeness, and creativity has stamped down the physical strength andmasculine ideas.

Maybe we should all blame these fragile egos in our men on the callous traditions? But even if we did that, we have to be willing to go back to the drawing board and model those egos to be gentle and not fragile.

We are in a generation where we must no longer teach our girls this heinous topic: What a man wants in a woman. Rather, we should teach them to be the best they can ever be.

What if we raised both our boys and girls without all the masculine/feminine hullabaloo? What if we taught them love and equality? What if we exposed them to embrace their weaknesses and vulnerabilities and not be afraid of expressing their fears to each other? What if we let both genders know that it is okay to have feelings for the opposite sex and it is also okay to express their desires regardless of their gender? What if we were all feminists?

Queen Guest Writer Bio:

Chepkemoi is a Ghost writer and Content Creator at Upwork. She strongly believes in feminism.

Sexual Fluidity Amongst Millennials

Photo by Jordan McDonald

I met him 6 months after I joined campus.
He was funny, gentle, classy and charming 😊.
Rodney (not his real name), took me to dinner at a fancy restaurant on our first date, made me laugh and ensured I got home safely.
He was consistent in terms of communication and actions. It was so easy being with him. 😊
On New Year's Eve, he took me to watch a movie, bought me chocolates and a New Year's card with a beautiful note indicating how wonderful it is to be with me. 😊💗
Despite all this, I still felt something was off. Twice he cut our lunch dates to rush to meet his 'male friend' who bought him his favorite milkshake. 😕
So on 21st March when he called to tell me it's over and that he needed to follow his heart, I knew what he meant.... He had fallen in love with his 'male friend'.
"I'm glad you're finally embracing who you are and found the courage to be with someone who truly sees YOU and loves you for who you are. You deserve it. You're a good man," I said to him.
"Thanks alot for understanding. You're a wonderful lady too and I hope you find someone who truly values you... Bye." He said as he ended the call.
I had only heard of such break-up stories until it happened to me. 😔💔

I'm a heterosexual 90's baby and we were raised to believe that homosexuality was wrong and alien. Well.. it's 2020 and sexual fluidity is at its peak. More lesbians, gays, bisexuals, transgenders, assexuals, autosexuals, intersexuals, pansexuals, questioning and queers are openly expressing themselves and embracing themselves.

Photos by Brian Kyed and Christian Buehner 

I believe that sexuality is a personal and private choice that should be respected. Whatever one does in their bedroom should not be a determinant of character, rights one should have, access to health services or career opportunities.
We all deserve the right to love whoever we want and whoever our hearts desire regardless of gender.
I believe that it is God's job to judge while ours, as humans, is to love and treat each other with respect. Why? Because none of us is perfect. We all have skeletons in our closest that we wouldn't want to let out nor be judged without understanding.
When we all choose to live in our authenticity, not only do we set ourselves free but we also set others free and prevent heartbreaks or traumas.
In conclusion, we all got one heart, one soul and one life and.. love... Is a choice that should feel emancipating.

Photo by Yoav Hornung

The same human and privacy rights accorded to heterosexuals, why not accord them to the LGBTIQPA+?

Feel free to comment and share with your followers using the social media buttons 😊.


#love #lgbtiq #lgbtq #pridenation #relationships #dating


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African Parenting

By: Getrude Atieno

As an African child I have been through alot; from how I was raised to my personal relationships and most importantly.. my entire lifestyle. 

 African parenting has positive and negative impacts but the negative outweigh the positive. As a lady from an African home, I have dealt with alot of issues. I was raised in an environment where everyone believes that socializing with a boy or man eventually means having an intimate relationship.

I don't like this notion because it has destroyed most of my relationships. To make it worse.. it's the reason I'm an introvert. In addition, I can’t stand men even away from home; because I don’t want to create the perception of an intimate relationship where there is none. My African upbringing has literally messed me up.

I also live in a society where men are raised to believe that every girl should bleed when they lose their virginity? Who even taught these boys about sex???

We need to revisit our sex education because men are out here demeaning ladies sexually as a result of African parenting. We need to amplify sexual awareness but it's unfortunate that it's a topic that is swept under the carpet in African homes. Let's change our attitude and perception about sex. As we delve into sex education, let's remember to respect God and maintain that sex is for married couples only. That's what I believe.

I come from a place where girls who put on trousers, apply make up and confidently expose their God-given talents are perceived as ill-mannered. 

Poor children... How I wish I could fight for you 😢. That's a topic for another day.

 It is very unfortunate that they judge the wrong people. The evil ones might be dressed in long robes, staying natural and hiding behind the curtains. Our African society is very judgemental especially to the young generation.

Our society doesn’t know that at times they push young people to do the unspeakable for the sake of discovering our identity and independence. Our African homes believe that a girl getting pregnant before marriage is an abomination, a disgrace while nobody talks about the boy who impregnated the girl. Only the girl carries the shame because she carries the evidence too. We might have lost our way somewhere as girls but that doesn’t mean that you should be harsh and mean to us. All we need is guidance.

My society has taught me that an African woman has no voice but I love how empowered women are defying this notion. They are ready to fight for their rights and are going to any length to secure their place in the society. I'm actually glad to see women upgrading and showing men that anything is possible because what a man can do.. a woman can do better. Let's say.. even much better.

Who will save the African children?

 Our parenting methods and upbringing need to change. Our children should grow as all rounded citizens not closeted humans.

Let's talk more on my next blog and in the lyrics of Sauti Sol and Soweto Gospel Choir: "I believe that brighter days are going to come." 

Queen Guest Writer Bio:

Getrude Atieno is an all-rounded lifestyle blogger at Miss Atieno 

#guestbloggers #bloggingqueens #africanchild #parenting 

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In Between Love and Care

By: Ethel Valerie Atieno

Soap operas from the 90s,00’s and 10’s have collectively and successfully collaborated with basic romcoms to help paint pictures of saviour lovers, that lover who walks into your life and somehow fixes it all; the baggage from your family, that one toxic ex that wrecked your heart and all that baggage you cannot see. This lover is supposed to somehow come with a fix-all for all your issues all while trying to love you in between all the fixing.
The reality of this is not only disappointing but a shock that the relationship cannot always weather.
 We live our lives with this idea that the next person to love us has to also come to fix what’s broken. While one might argue that a good relationship helps you build yourself, I would argue that it's unfair to expect a partner or a relationship to be a solution to all your issues and love you at the same time.
The job of self-discovery and self-improvement is a job without a substitute and while you decide to give that job to other people you should consider that they too probably expect the same from you and in between this misunderstanding, there is a love that is neglected that could have worked out if not for the fact that you both were stuck waiting for the other to come to save them.
When I say deal with your issues first, I do not mean that confiding in your partner is wrong or unacceptable, all am asking is you consider for a moment that there is a difference between confiding or asking for advice and coming to a relationship with issues you haven’t fixed and asking your spouse to somehow find a way to help you make sense of what’s going wrong with your life.
“I’ll take care of me, you’ll take care of you and in between, we’ll love each other” were the words of Jenna Galbut.
 Her view on self-love as the gateway to true love is to be the greatest aspiration we can hope to achieve. You cannot take care of anyone else unless you show up with absolute love in your intentions without also holding them responsible for being your own personal Steve Harvey.
 In doing so, you will show the person you love that you are at a point of accepting the kind of love they are willing to give you and that you’re willing to give love without responsibility.




#love #relationships #dating #mentalhealth # self-love #reaponsibility #selfcare

Queen Guest Writer Bio:

Ethel Valerie Atieno 

"I write about things I care about. I care about love, loss and society. I'm a loud mouthed introvert but nothing is louder than my work 😊. You can find my work at My View Through Glass "

Honestly..

                                   Photo courtesy.

Honestly...

If you don't want to have kids, don't put yourself in a position to have one. The worst thing is to live with what you don't want. You will end up abusing that child and they'll be scarred for life.
If you've never envisioned yourself married, then don't do it. It's not fair to lead someone's son or daughter into a lifetime commitment that you never wanted. You'll mistreat them as you try to live your authentic self and fake self.
If you don't like sexy outfits, don't put them on. You'll feel uncomfortable.
If you just want a fling, say it! Don't lead someone's son/daughter into believing in the possibility of a nonexistent relationship.
If you have a different sexual orientation, be confident about it. It's 2019! LGBTQ is allowed! Character is more important than bedroom matters.
If s/he is not your type, say it from day 1. Don't waste their time.
If you are a strong personality, find someone that is equally strong or complements it. Don't look for someone who doesn't understand you then make them feel bad about it.
Don't take that course if you're not interested in it. Pursue a course that you like. Be true to your mind and heart.
If you can't afford it now, let it go. Don't strain. Being broke is temporary if you have a vision. Besides, money is not constant. It either flows in or out. Be true to your finances.
If they are toxic, you're not obliged to stick around. You have options. The human spirit can only thrive in peace and calm. Put it in that space.
If you have past or childhood trauma, don't deny, bury or escape it. Face it and seek healing. Human emotions eventually let themselves out in different forms through addictions, toxic behaviors, avoidance of responsibility and resentment.
Stay true to your entire being. You only get one shot at life, it is not a rehearsal. In the end, you are the only one living your TRUTH or LIE. (Click the link below to tweet)

https://ctt.ac/K22IM

#realtalk #truth #honesty #personaldevelopment

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Inner Child

We all have an inner child that needs to be...

Where Are Safe Spaces For Victims Of Child and Sex Abuse?

                      Photo courtesy.

When I was 12 years old, I was flogged by the police for reporting my step mother for mistreating my siblings and I.
I still have the scars from the whip on my right leg. I cried until I couldn't cry anymore. My body got accustomed to the whip. The very people that are supposed to protect a child, turned against her and sided with the villain.

OK.... I think I need a moment. My mind just went back to that day and I can't hold my tears. :-(

The flogger was a policeman. He did this in the presence of my stepmother, a policewoman and 3 policemen. All along they threatened me with juvenile detention.

After the flogging, they told me to apologize and go back with my stepmother. The mistreatment only got worse.

PS: I don't need therapy. I've studied Psychology so I've had to handle myself first hand.

A close friend was gang raped when she was 9 years old. Her uncle was paid to organize it. After that, a once bubbly and charismatic child became so withdrawn, a loner and always fighting boys and insulting teachers in school. The worst part is nobody noticed her pain. They labelled her 'notorious' and 'first-bodi' ( sheng' for invincible fighter). She was indirectly fighting her rapists by fighting boys and projecting her anger towards her parents for not protecting her by insulting teachers.

Recently, she was sexually harassed by a government official and she reported it to the relevant authorities but nothing was done. The official just got a slap on the wrist and reinstated back to work. He ensured that he made her life a living hell.

A few weeks ago, the news that made it to the front page of a popular magazine was of a 12 year old girl who was murdered hours after testifying against her rapist. A brave young girl who just wanted justice had her neck snapped for reporting a villain.

These are just but a few cases of victims treated as villains. When did this become a normal thing people should accept? Yes we can suggest counselling but what about justice? What about protecting the actual victims and ensuring that offenders don't go unpunished? What about seeing the pain in a victim's eyes and not ask unnecessary questions like, "Are you the only victim? What were you wearing? What were you doing at that place at that particular time? Did you provoke him/her?"

Does it make it less important that it only happened to an individual? So only one rape case or child abuse case can be excused?

Karma works but it takes longer so justice systems were put in place to ensure karma is accelerated; but do they function?

So I just want to ask.. If families cannot protect their children, teachers cannot protect students, law enforcement cannot protect victims and government authorities don't give a damn about the citizens' well being then WHERE ARE THE SAFE SPACES FOR VICTIMS OF CHILD AND SEX ABUSE?


#sexabuseawareness #childabuseawareness #realtalk

ALERT! MOTHERLESSNESS ON THE PROWL.

"If you keep listening to that music, you're going to be useless like your father.", the piercing words of Rita's mother.

The norm goes, 'A mother's love is unconditional.' This is a statement Rita begs to differ with. Rita isn't alone. A fraction of the population doesn't understand this norm. This fraction belongs to the motherless children.

There is an outcry for the fatherless children (heck! I've talked about it) but after meeting Rita, a 23 year old lady, I realised mothers are equally missing out on their children's lives. When I met Rita, her laughter and smile convinced me she was from a stable home. Little did I know she was trying very hard to fill the void of an absent mother. I asked her if she wished her mother 'Happy Mother's day' and she said, "She doesn't deserve it. I wished her best friend who has effectively played her role in my life."

Just like fatherlessness can be understood on the basis of:

• Death
• Terminal illness
• Mental Instability

So can motherlessness. Unfortunately, mothers are equally doing what men are doing: abandoning their children.

Hillary Clinton at the UN Fourth World Conference on Women in 1995, Beijing, China, said, "Families
rely on mothers and wives for emotional support and care." It is quite baffling that the current generation mothers are neglecting this important duty.

A popular radio station discussed a sensitive topic about modern mothers refusing to breastfeed their children to prevent their breasts from sagging. These women must be very selfish. It is completely unnatural for a mother to abscond her nurturing duty and prioritize her sexual needs.

Breastfeeding is essential in an infant's emotional development. This nurturing duty regulates a child's emotional attachment in it's social life. Breastfeeding can develop a dependent /independent personality, an emotionally healthy /stoic individual or social/ unsocial individual.

We are already struggling with the boy-child, mothers please, your daughters don't need more problems. Breastfeed your children. Lest you risk losing your children to another woman like Rita.


#motherhood #child #empowerment

Women empowerment VS negligence of the boy child

Women empowerment isn't an excuse for the negligence of the boy child. Reason? Women empowerment is a movement as opposed to a coup.

                                   Photo courtesy.

Just the way table banking operates, whereby the strong, successful and knowledgeable members mentor and share experiences with the other members, women do the same for one another. That's why there are more women scaling the heights of economic success than men. It has even got to the point that they are mentoring other men on amassing wealth!!

Women are naturally supportive hence the fast growth of the women empowerment programme(s).
Do men support and mentor one another? No they don't. Men tend to assume that their fellow men are fine but the truth is they need mentorship. They don't have to form chamas but they can do it in their meeting places.

How many fathers coach their sons on life, marriage, wealth and fatherhood? How many brothers care enough to mentor their younger male siblings on life? The reason there were real men in our grandfathers' days was simply because the uncles, elders, fathers, older brothers dutifully mentored the young men on life, marriage and fatherhood.

Basically, gender empowerment is all about mentorship. So men, women haven't taken over your throne; you have just refused to wake up from your 2 decade sleep. Your throne still awaits you.


#womenempowerment #empowerment #boychild #personaldevelopment