"LEAVE ME ALONE! LET ME GO!" Reina shouted as Zashan followed her. It was dark and they were on their way home. They broke up 5 days ago after Reina caught Zashan cheating on her. They bumped into each other at their regular club. He ran towards her and stopped infront of her. They got into a shouting match and he grabbed her by her blouse and raised his hand to hit her. His long nails dug into her right breast and left a scar.
It's 5 years since the incident when Reina receives an unexpected call...
"Hello..."
"Yes, who am I speaking to?" Reina responded.
"Come on, you know it's me... Have you forgotten already?"
"Well... Maybe if you tell me, I'll remember."
"It's Zashan...." Long silence... "Oh yeah, what's up Zashan?"
"Been good and you?"
"Been great too. I thank God."
"That's great to hear. Look... I've been doing some thinking lately and I've been postponing this conversation for a while but I decided that this is the right time for it."
"Mhmm..."
"Well... I want us to get married Reina. You're the only honest lady I've ever met and my family keeps asking about you. What do you say? I know I messed up in the past but it's my ego. I'm learning how to control it. Besides, I already apologized."
"Let me ask you.... did you ever tell your family what you did to drive me away?" She asked.
Long silence... Reina hang up and blocked him as she flashed back to that fateful day. It all came back like it had just happened 10 minutes ago. The whiff of fear and pain as he grabbed her blouse and was about to hit her for betraying her love rushed through her mind.
Although Reina, now 25 years old, has moved on but the experience of coming face-to-face with a physically abusive man is one of the reasons she still hasn't decided if she wants to get into a long term relationship. That fear still creeps up occasionally.
Hailey is a 26 year old who knows too well about gender violence. Her boyfriend dragged her from a public joint into the parking lot and beat her into a pulp. He kicked and slapped her then shoved her into the car and drove her home.
He carried her on his shoulder, kicking and screaming, threw her on the bed, took out a bunch of 70 thousand notes and threw them next to her and said, "Fix yourself!" as he proceeded to walk out, leaving her bleeding and crying then locked her in until morning.
She cried the whole night until she blacked out. She woke up with her whole body aching.
He brought her friend the following morning to pick her up and as she helped her to the cab, she said, "Don't normalize abuse. It's not okay for anyone to hit you."
Hailey, thought about it and responded, "But he is a high profile man and the law will never be on my side. That's the reason I will never get into a long-term relationship with a man. No to marriage."
Marsha, 23, was excited to move in with her new beau.
She just got a new job so everything was going well. Until she lost her job...
"You are very needy!!! I am tired of funding you!!!" he constantly yelled at her.
He started by raising his voice then a slap and twice a week, he would beat her. She hated it. Never in a million years did she expect her knight in shining armor would turn into a monster.
She finally opened up to a friend who contacted her mother. Her mother stormed the guy's house and took her daughter.
Marsha, hugged her mom and friend as she cried helplessly. She said, "I hate that I believed him. I will NEVER GIVE MYSELF TO A MAN. MARRIAGE IS A NO NO."
It's no hidden truth that gender based violence in relationships cuts the soul deeper than the body. It leaves a huge scar that can be easily triggered.
The trauma is enough to create a sense of confusion, blurred lines and a stoic personality.
When Gordy met Sasha, he really liked her but within a year, he moved from being a Social Media Director in the corporate sector to a prisoner.
A few months into the relationship, Sasha got pregnant. This was a surprise to Gordy because he was celibate and had never slept with her. He requested a DNA and this was her reaction:
"Are you serious???!!!! Are you calling me a whore??!!!"
"Sasha, you and I know that I have never touched you sexually. If you are truly honest, you would confidently take the test." he replied.
"Okay, I'll give you your test!!!" She went to the kitchen and came back bleeding from her head down to her neck then took pictures of herself and him.
The next few minutes that followed changed his life forever... Gordy was handcuffed and incarcerated for battery and assault with intent to kill.
He was locked up for 3 years.
Sasha hit herself on the concrete wall, bruised herself with a knife and used the rolling pin to give herself a black eye. She used all this to manipulate the officers into incriminating Gordy.
When he came out, no corporate was ready to hire a prisoner who was once a Social Media Director in a leading real estate company. He finally got a job as a cleaner in a park.
According to Gordy, "I'm not interested in any relationship with a woman. I would rather be alone and peaceful than allow one human being to ruin my life."
Men too experience GBV but because society is not very receptive to male victims, they choose to suffer in silence. Owe this to the high expectation that 'men shouldn't cry or have a female abuser'. If they do, they are branded as weak, sissies or a woose.
Reina, Hailey, Gordy and Marsha's stories are just a tip of the iceberg of what many millennial men and women go through in relationships. These experiences create blurred lines when it comes to marriage because of the fear of repetition of abuse.
We recently carried out a poll on this topic on Instastory with our followers, Let's Talk Squad, and these were the results:
Feel free to check us out on Instagram @lets_talk_blog
Gender violence is very traumatic. It is not just limited to physical violence but extends to emotional and psychological. If your partner constantly belittles you, reminds you of your flaws and tells you that you're not good enough... then you are experiencing GBV.
GBV is still happening in 2020 despite the laws against assault and harassment. We need to open up channels for men to speak up because at the end of the day... they are humans too lest we lose them to drugs, depression, suicide, sex addiction and alcohol.
People are indeed aware of it but could there be an underlying cause like unresolved trauma or abuse?
More therapists are needed and counseling should be normalized and made acceptable for both genders. The truth is.... IT IS NOT NORMAL TO BE VIOLENT OR ABUSIVE IN ANY WAY!
HEAL YOURSELF!
#personalhealing #relationships #gbvawareness #millennials #millennialblogger #stopgbv
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