AFFECTION OR JUST ATTENTION?

By:

Ilga Wanza

Quite recently, a friend of mine brought up the issue of confusing affection with attention. How many times have we taken someone’s kindness for something more? How many times have we assumed that a simple smile is flirting? How many times have we assumed that long phone calls means we are compatible? Memes have been created just to reflect what is going on. What happened to kindness being just pure or a warm smile being just that, a smile. 

I have been a victim of this and coincidentally two weeks after our discussion, I experienced the same thing but on a larger scale. A friend of mine needed help, lots of it and when I got concerned and offered my all to help him, I discovered that I had been branded the girlfriend role. I wasn’t asked and nobody notified me about these sudden developments. I came to realize that I was part of the family and the heat was turned up when I was asked not to break his heart. Considering the sensitivity of the circumstances, I did not address it immediately and I played along. I mean, you would too. But a few days after playing along, I was made aware of the gravity of my actions and I must admit that guilt came for me. So, was I wrong in being overly concerned for a friend? Should I have acted distant so as not to lead anyone on? Maybe and most of you will think, yes. However, I went back to the discussion I had with my friend. 

We live in a society full of people looking for love everywhere. I don’t know who broke us but here we are. Everything in this world today is translated to mean, ‘I like you’ or ‘I want a future with you’. Nobody ever stops to think that maybe this is a friend who is trying to help. With such a society, we are prone to enter into relationships we have no business being in. I won’t go on and bash people here but I want to show a problem. Ever wondered why most relationships don’t last? Why most don’t make it past the sixth month mark? Well, besides the usual problems like trust and time, it all goes back to the foundation. If the relationship was based on a smile or an act of kindness, what do you expect? 

I believe the reason our society has turned out to be extremely self-centered and mean is because of this. We confuse affection for attention. I would like to stop here and blame Hollywood but I will also put a blame on us. In my story, maybe I should have nipped the problem at the bud but I didn’t because I did not want to hurt people’s feelings. All I had to do was to be honest and clear up the situation. I should have shown what the real position was but I didn’t. And you know, I am not alone in this. Almost every person walking around in the millennial generation has experienced this. We get so deep into some hole that we cannot get out of because everything moved so fast. One time, you are a friend, the next, you are a ‘wife’ or a ‘husband’. 

My advice to everyone is not to confuse attention with affection. It is good to be honest from the start. Ever heard of honesty being the best policy? Now you know, it is not just a proverb. It is a way of life. Make intentions clear from the word go and at all costs do not get involved with the family. You will be handed responsibilities you have never dreamed of, and not in a good way. 

Let your kindness be pure and your smile just that, a smile. 

Queen Guest Writer Bio:

My name is Ilga Wanza

I am 22 years old.

I am a Christian, a writer and a law student. I enjoy reading novels and writing them too. 

My hobbies include taking walks, reading and writing poetry.

Find me on Wattpad at Bold Is Beautiful

#relationships #dating #blogfeature #guestwriter