Saying 'No' to a sex predator in the office can cost you a job or business opportunity. Nonetheless, be courageous and say 'No'. There are better opportunities for you.
Molly knows this too well and this is her story:
She had just got a new job 3 years after graduation and sending numerous resumes. She was very excited!
She was very diligent, punctual, took more responsibilities and all this made her feel very productive. Within the first 3 months, she had already received a salary increment. Life was good and things were looking up. By the end of the year, she received a letter of promotion. Yaaayy! She was on a roll!
The letter had to be signed by the department manager who she never liked.
"Hello Sir...", Molly called him via the office telephone.
"Good morning Molly, how are you?" he responded.
"I'm fine Sir. Thank you for asking. I have a document that requires your signature."
"Bring it to my office at 3pm."
3pm at the departmental manager's office:
"Molly, come in."
"Thank you Sir."
(Hands him the letter.)
"So you are getting promoted... Congratulations!"
"Thank you."
He kept moving around and passing time so as not to sign the letter.
"Molly... you are a very beautiful and intelligent lady. I've been watching you. I will sign the document but I want you to do me a favour...," he said with a cheeky smile and some vile in his voice.
"What favour Sir?"
"Let me taste your beauty."
"I don't understand what you mean. Kindly explain."
"You're an adult. You know what I mean," he reiterated as he proceeded to rub his index finger against her right cheek.
"Do you mean sexual intercourse?"
"We don't have to put it that way. Let's call it... 'Mutual agreement'," with lust in his eyes, he reached out to caress her shoulders.
Molly pushed back the chair which hit his potbelly and moved away from him.
"I'm sorry Sir, but that's very unethical. I cannot do that," she replied in a defensive tone.
"Alright then... give me the document."
'She is incompetent and undeserving of this promotion. I suggest another candidate for the position.' was his comment. He then handed it to her.
"Now take it to your supervisor!"
Molly asked, "All this because I refused to sleep with you?"
"No, because you are selfish and refuse to consider my terms and conditions. LEAVE MY OFFICE YOU PIECE OF TRASH!"
She walked out with the letter as tears ran down her cheeks. All her hard work, early mornings, late nights, over time all gone down the drain because she couldn't give in to his sexual advances.
She cried the whole night and handed in her resignation the following morning. She was back to job searching again.
Luckily for her, her excellent work record earned her a greater opportunity.
Molly said, "I am in a better place where I am respected. Being a victim of sexual abuse when I was 10 years old, the sexual harassment gave me nightmares. I had to seek therapy. I had heart palpitations and cold sweats." She said as her eyes got teary. "Sexual harassment in the professional arena should be banned and be taken seriously. Too many victims suffer in silence and sleep with broken hearts."
Genevieve and Julie know too well about holding onto a job while enduring sexual harassment from their boss.
"My boss never misses an opportunity to spank me anywhere she finds me. It's disgusting and I hate it. I often avoid standing in front of her or walking around the office unless I have to," says Genevieve.
Julie adds, "She does the same to me too. She even goes to the extent of asking if I have a thong on. To avoid going to her office for assignments, I ensure that I underperform and do as little as possible. It's quite demeaning because I underplay my potential and that means no growth or promotion."
Why do they hang on?
Genevieve replies, "After years of job searching and landed on this one... why should I quit and go back to unemployment? Bills don't care about how I feel. My parents also told me to own my life and not go back home."
Julie says, "I have a son. I've been jobless for 3 years and it was tough. Getting this job has helped quite alot to pay for my son's fees, nanny and bills."
Sexual harassment is like being stuck between a rock and a hard place. It deters personal and career development. It causes the victim to endure in silence and believe that there is no way out. This gives the perpetrator more power to proceed with the vice.
To many victims, the fear of losing an opportunity is greater than the trauma and pain that accompanies the vice.
Take Dan for instance, he was 25 and had a good job. Everything was going well until it was time to get a promotion. The Human Resource Manager, Ms. Keen, solicited for sexual favours in exchange. He was the breadwinner in his family. His mum was terminally ill and his younger sister was still in school.
Dan was torn for a while and decided to give in to her sexual advances. He got the promotion but 2 months later, he was fired due to 'misconduct'. Evidence of the affair found its way into the CEO's office through a CCTV footage and Dan was sacked while Ms. Keen retained her job.
Although Dan started his business and doing very well he says, "It still haunts me. It hurts to know that I said 'yes' to what I shouldn't have. It took me alot of time to heal and move on. Sexual harassment is the worst experience I've ever had. Whichever decision you make you lose. Nobody deserves their dignity, integrity and intelligence to be demeaned in that manner."
Perpetrators are not gender biased. They can either be male or female. In most cases, perpetrators walk scot-free or retain their professional positions while victims bear the scars and are expected to carry on with life like everything is normal.
The scars never fade away. For instance, Bill Cosby and the late Michael Jackson's sex abuse cases occurred 30 years ago but victims narrate them like they happened yesterday with some shedding tears as they relive the trauma.
The solution? Stringent laws at work should be implemented and every stakeholder and employee should be empowered on how to protect victims. Create more awareness on the dire effects of the act and a safe space for victims to open up and feel protected.
The truth is... Sexual harassment derails professional and economic progress. Victims are forced to underperform in order to protect themselves like in the case of Genevieve and Julie. Their potential to grow is stunted hence preventing them from attaining great accomplishments.
In addition, it adversely affects one's mental health just like in Molly's case where she had to endure nightmares and insomnia.
SEXUAL HARASSMENT IS WRONG, DISGUSTING AND SHOULD BE STOPPED.
PERPETRATORS SHOULD BE DEALT WITH AS SOON AS IT HAPPENS!! VICTIMS DESERVE RESTITUTION AND JUSTICE!!
To anyone experiencing this.. there are better opportunities outside that come with more money, value and respect. Do not be afraid to WALK OUT! DO IT! YOU DESERVE PEACE AND GROWTH!
TO EVERY PREDATOR, I HAVE 2 WORDS FOR YOU.... F#@K YOU! 🖕🏾
#sexabuseawareness #stopsexabuse #stopsexualharassment #protectsexabusevictims #sexualharassmentatwork #respecttheworkplace
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This just brought back memories.
ReplyDeleteI'm also glad that I walked out of that workplace.
Just found this on Twitter.
ReplyDeleteMy wife had a similar experience at work just before her promotion.
I told her to quit and sue for sexual harassment.