In Between Love and Care

By: Ethel Valerie Atieno

Soap operas from the 90s,00’s and 10’s have collectively and successfully collaborated with basic romcoms to help paint pictures of saviour lovers, that lover who walks into your life and somehow fixes it all; the baggage from your family, that one toxic ex that wrecked your heart and all that baggage you cannot see. This lover is supposed to somehow come with a fix-all for all your issues all while trying to love you in between all the fixing.
The reality of this is not only disappointing but a shock that the relationship cannot always weather.
 We live our lives with this idea that the next person to love us has to also come to fix what’s broken. While one might argue that a good relationship helps you build yourself, I would argue that it's unfair to expect a partner or a relationship to be a solution to all your issues and love you at the same time.
The job of self-discovery and self-improvement is a job without a substitute and while you decide to give that job to other people you should consider that they too probably expect the same from you and in between this misunderstanding, there is a love that is neglected that could have worked out if not for the fact that you both were stuck waiting for the other to come to save them.
When I say deal with your issues first, I do not mean that confiding in your partner is wrong or unacceptable, all am asking is you consider for a moment that there is a difference between confiding or asking for advice and coming to a relationship with issues you haven’t fixed and asking your spouse to somehow find a way to help you make sense of what’s going wrong with your life.
“I’ll take care of me, you’ll take care of you and in between, we’ll love each other” were the words of Jenna Galbut.
 Her view on self-love as the gateway to true love is to be the greatest aspiration we can hope to achieve. You cannot take care of anyone else unless you show up with absolute love in your intentions without also holding them responsible for being your own personal Steve Harvey.
 In doing so, you will show the person you love that you are at a point of accepting the kind of love they are willing to give you and that you’re willing to give love without responsibility.




#love #relationships #dating #mentalhealth # self-love #reaponsibility #selfcare

Queen Guest Writer Bio:

Ethel Valerie Atieno 

"I write about things I care about. I care about love, loss and society. I'm a loud mouthed introvert but nothing is louder than my work 😊. You can find my work at My View Through Glass "