For more than 20 years Malaika wondered why she never felt good enough in her father's eyes. He was always running away from his children when things got rough then resurfaced when the storm was over with smiles on his face like nothing happened.
Ever since she was a child he always used her as a scapegoat to avoid responsibility for his broken marriages. She cried all the time and always asked him, "Why do you hate me this much? Why would you use me to cover up for your mistakes? " He never responded.
This went on for years until she was 28 and decided to detach herself from him.
At 25, she had an emotional breakdown related to identity crisis. All the emotional and mental abuse had now become explosive and she was like a reactive atom trapped in a jar.
"Lord, Who am I? Why do I feel unstable?" was her prayer request. As we all know, God always responds to requests.
So for 3 years she went on a journey of self-discovery which she spent it out and about, travelling, socializing, giving back to community through charity and volunteering and spending quiet time with nature.
One at a time, her questions were answered. Her healing process begun. Her friends were so proud of her because she exuded inner peace, her career performance improved and got into a healthy relationship with a wonderful gentleman. She realized that she was more than her trauma and it doesn't define who she is.
When Larry was 10, he got a scholarship until Diploma level. He was a brilliant student. The scholarship gave him accommodation with constant visits from his father.
One day, his father travelled upcountry with the promise to be back in a day. Larry was a hopeful child and patiently waited for his father until he got his Diploma at 20.
He finally decided to go upcountry to look for his father only to find him inebriated and asked in his drunken voice, "Who are you?".
That broke Larry. The fact that his father lied and forgot about him was the worst form of brokenness.
Larry is now 40 years old.
Unconsciously, Larry repeats the same in his personal life. He has no relationship with his 7 children and ex wives, has abandoned them in the city and gone to the countryside to stay in the house he built as a young man. He feels no sense of responsibility for the brokenness he has passed onto his offspring and ex wives. He stays alone, none of his children visit nor contact him and has no friends.
At one phase in every human being's life, we experience brokenness. Life isn't fair. That's a fact. The truth is.... the pain never goes away but it can be managed. It's an individual's response to the pain or trauma that matters.
Malaika and Larry are victims of abuse and were broken as children. The difference is how they handled the trauma. Malaika chose to heal and let go while Larry held on and transferred the abuse to his ex wives and children which eventually increased his misery.
Holding on to the trauma is easier and makes you feel in control but in the end.... it only leads to self-destruction in terms of anger, bitterness, health deterioration, lack of inner peace, guilt, blaming everyone for your choices and broken relationships.
Letting go is very difficult because it requires you to relinquish control but in the end... leads to inner peace, happiness, healthy relationships, sense of personal responsibility for your future, good mental and emotional health.
Whether you choose to stay broken or not, be ready to bear the consequences. If you want to be happy, let go and open doors for better.
Hurt people hurt others. Happy people spread happiness to others.
#personalhealing #personaldevelopment #mentalhealth #innerpeace
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